Rereading your own journal is, in some ways, the pinnacle of narcissism. My partner came into our room last night to find me surrounded by notebooks and paper. When he asked me what I was doing I replied, “taking notes on my notes.”
So, why?
I’m an aspiring writer looking for fresh buds of inspiration.
At least some of my motivation for journalling in the first place is so I can look back in fondness or horror at previous phases of life.
Because I feel like I’m constantly consuming or producing right now; reading more than ever before, writing more than ever before. This was a nice slowing down, taking stock kind of activity.
Reader; it was a rollercoaster. Here’s what I learnt:
There are a LOT of lists
I have an unquenchable appetite for setting resolutions, goals and objectives that become dust in a matter of days. Most amusing was when I was reading Eat Pray Love. One entry describes the novel as a load of hogwash, and the next day I write a new vow to start doing “10-20 mins meditation every morning.”
Yes it’s sad how many of these resolutions fell by the wayside, but I also feel a bit in awe of my ability skim over failures and start anew — like, every day.
There are other sorts of lists too. Who’s invited to my birthday party, the products in my skincare routine, and — fascinatingly — a shopping list consisting solely of advent calendars and slimming underwear.
The lists tend to crop up at the end of a lengthy, whining entry, so they are most likely a desperate attempt at regaining some control over life.
Advent calendar x 2
Slimming / shaping underwear
There’s a lot of navel-gazing
I don’t know if it’s possible to avoid clichés in a journal, after all they are clichéd for a reason. But I was quite embarassed by the levels of Live Laugh Love I reach in places.
Exhibit A: “Today’s mantra: Enjoy the journey.”
I also quote literature and song lyrics A LOT. Robert Frost and Billy Joel, fine. But…
Exhibit B: “In the words of Ronan Keating, “Life is a rollercoaster, just gotta ride it.” In fairness, I followed up with, “Hate myself for that.”
Cringe.
I write for an audience
This is a subtler one but absolutely palpable.
If you’re approaching journalling in the mindful way usually advocated for, you’re supposed to bring your authentic self to the page — after all, where else can you?
Journalling is, by all accounts, a solitary exercise. Yet I write like someone’s going to read it.
How can I tell? Because I can sniff self-editing on every page.
Sometimes there’s a peppiness that belies darker feelings, sometimes hindsight is rewriting reality, and sometimes I just fictionalise a little to make something funnier, spicier or more palatable.
Now there’s a lot to dig into there, I’m sure. But I am reminded of
’s wonderful biography of Shirley Jackson (A Rather Haunted Life), where SJ berates herself for gilding her own journalling with the rose-tinted lenses of fiction.I suppose its part and parcel of reading a lot and writing a lot of both fiction and non-fiction. If it’s good enough for SJ, it’s good enough for me.
I’m pretty funny (or at least I think so)
This probably brings us back to writing for an audience, but my real-life tendency to revert to class clown in serious settings or when something is actually wrong pervades this journal.
I chuckled to myself a lot while reading it. Highlights include (on an ex-colleague), “She may be a pain in the arse but she can also be rather nice and helpful. Maybe people think I’m a pain in the arse.”
In fact, corporate life offers up a plethora of gems, like the little poem I wrote when a slew of work Christmas parties threatened to tip me over the edge:
“Glass of fizz,
and a cold mince pie.
Smile, smile, smile
then an Irish goodbye.”
Sometimes the humour is less about my telling of the events, and rather just the sheer comi-tragedy of the events themselves. Like the bleak November week when I crashed my car into a brick wall twice in one day and Donald Trump was reelected President.
Humour as a defence mechanism? REVOLUTIONARY.
It’s so worthwhile
Rereading my journal prompted all sorts of feelings, but above all an overwhelming gladness that I DO journal.
It means I can revisit the day I got engaged and the night I asked my best friend to be my Maid of Honour and we wept into our margaritas in Mallorca. I can remember the emotion of finally getting the call to say our baby nephew had arrived and relive the holiday of a lifetime in India.
The biggest lesson I learnt in this exercise is how much I can evolve over a six month period; not just in terms of milestones reached but in my general outlook on life, too.
Take it from the gurus
After that rather eclectic account of my own scrawling, here are some writers on Substack who are sublime on the arts of journaling and writing more widely:
I enjoyed this guest post from
for ’s newsletter, The Clearing, about using tarot cards as a journaling prompt. The Clearing regularly discusses journalling and May— who wrote the wonderful Wintering —knows a thing or two about mindfulness.This is not specific to journalling, but
’s recent post, “Write like a girl,” is for anyone who feels like their thoughts, feelings and ideas are not for verbalising - on paper or elsewhere.If you’re a yapper, a deep thinker, a self-expressive woman that gesticulates frantically and gets excited about the world, niche interests or everything in life - you don’t need permission to be an artist. You don’t need a degree. You don’t need legitimacy. The way you live your life IS the fucking degree.
Lastly, if you find yourself stuck staring at the blank page, a journalling community or challenge can really help. I love
’s page, who has fostered a safe space for reading and journalling, both online and at her in-person retreats in Wales.Check it out:
I have to admit, I’ve thrown away most of my journals; I’d die if anyone read them. But at the time, they were a lifesaver. Another “guru” you might enjoy is The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. She talks about writing morning pages (and many other things to feed the creative within). When I write morning pages, little bits of inspiration creep into my consciousness that I can often use in whatever writing project is at hand.
Thanks for the mention. So glad you enjoyed the post. x